Monday 6:00AM

Time to get up and go to work. Do you know where your weekend went? Like countless times before, upon leaving work at 5:00PM this past Friday, time mysteriously speeds up for some 36+ hours until it comes to a dead halt on Monday morning. This suspicious paranormal activity has been reported by millions of working folk all around the globe. It is like the hours have been gobbled up by some horrid monster feasting off the flesh of time. Some sort of weekend waste monster whose sole purpose is steal your precious hours and leave you with a puzzled hazy disoriented view and a loudly blaring repetitious buzzing of an alarm clock to get you to your feet.

And then? Its gone. But you never saw it to begin with. In fact, no one has actually ever seen this weekend waste monster. There have been zero point zero accounts of anyone actually finding one. But let me tell you something. It is out there. Make not doubt about it. And worse yet, it keeps coming back again and again and again. It is unrelenting and will not stop until it takes your very last weekend on earth, or at least until you retire. (Whichever comes first).

What can you do about it? Well here are some tips to combat the weekend waste monster, in case it rears its ugly head at you.

Tip #1: Do not think about the weekend waste monster.
The mere thought of the weekend waste monster will most definitely awaken the beast. It is important to keep your mind focused and busy thinking about other things. Anything but the weekend waste monster. If you are having trouble finding something to think of, then think of a small furry creature, like your neighbors puppy, or a ferret racing through your backyard, or that stuffed jackalope you have just inside your front door that you use to weird out any guests that come to visit.

Tip #2: Buy a video camera.
It does not matter what kind, just as long as you can set it to record the time in hours, minutes, seconds, and if possible micro-seconds. The weekend waste monster is highly allergic to video cameras and will likely avoid you if it sees that you have a video camera. (provided that the video camera is set to record the time and is in recording mode or course.) You will want to make sure to purchase as many data cards or tapes, and batteries or battery packs as such so that you can keep recording for as long as possible. The weekend waste monster will not be able to eat away any of your precious time because you will have proof that the time has not been eaten. Warning: This is not always effective with video recorders that use cassette tapes. It has been reported that weekend waste monsters have been able to eat up cassette tapes many months or even years later, rendering your proof of being weekend waste monster free, completely void.

Tip #3: Keep busy.
This is by far the most important tip. There is no sure way to keep the weekend waste monster at bay, but keeping busy and having as much fun as possible will make any time lost seem irrelevant.